Artsy or Awful?

I can't help it. I like seeing films even though I've read/heard bad things about them. I have to see it for myself in order to give a proper opinion, especially if its from one of the artsy directors I like or know.

With that in mind, I watched Lars Von Trier's Antichrist tonight. It was absolutely ridiculous. There was shot of a thrusting penis within the first five minutes of the film. Doesn't that qualify as pornography? It was not a flaccid penis.

It was slow going from the beginning, with or without Willem Dafoe's clenching butt. The film was tolerable until the characters played by Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg head to the woods to confront her "fears." He's her therapist husband, their kid fell out of a window, she flushes her meds down the toilet, and he takes her to the remote cabin that she keeps having nightmares about.

While out in the secluded forest, we see what looked like a deer pooping out a newborn deer: it runs around with this bloody thing hanging out of its butt. There's also a bird eating another baby bird that feel out of a tree.

It's slower going in the forest until the wife snaps and starts inflicting pain on her husband and herself. She knocks him out by throwing a block on his privates. She drills a hole in his leg and attaches some kind of circular weight to it. She, um, man-handles his man stick which gushes blood instead of semen (which makes a little sense since she did just crush his man parts). She mutilates her lady parts with scissors.

A deer, a fox and a big bird enter their cabin at some point.

There was no point.

Lars von Trier only makes films about tortured women. They hate themselves. They inflict pain upon themselves. Antichrist was his most literal exploration of this theme.

No wonder people booed the movie in Cannes: it was awful, not art.

time for a stiff drink

Just poured myself a still drink. Feeling anxious and frustrated. Saturdays are my longest work days. I get in at 8:30am and work til 4:30. Then I'm on call the rest of the night. It's dark by 5 so I wasn't able to squeeze in a run. There's a story coming in tonight for work so I have to dutifully be near the computer.

Also frustrated that they won't switch me to a Mon-Fri schedule. We have a major project launching Tuesday morning that still needs lots of work but I can't help with it anymore. Have to pass it on to already overworked people midstream. I would be much more effective on Monday than I am on Saturday.

Crunch time

Sixteen days until the wedding and I am feeling angry, disorganized, almost desperate. For a supposed low budget wedding, we are doing too much ourselves the day of the event.

chris is picking up alcohol and ice, setting up chairs for the ceremony, giving up his bed to his best man, and who knows what else. I'm organizing friends to help decorate day of so that I can concentrate on looking and feeling good.

I am regretting not having the ceremony near my mom's house. I have family here that would help with it all. but with the events up in L.A., there really isn't time for the family to help and get to the wedding on time. Very frustrating.

Chris is trying to do all himself. I just learned he's planning on breaking down the chairs and storing them in his garage after the ceremony. When does he plan on doing that? After the ceremony we're taking pictures and then to the reception. I'm getting angry already. It would have been so much easier and cheaper to do a destination wedding where other people take care of it.

Our catering will not adjust our price even though we have 30 fewer guests than expected. The venue closes off half of the center because of noise issues at 10pm.

Oh yeah, and my house was broken into this weekend and my room ransacked. Still picking up from that.

Grrrrrr

Missions: Accomplished

We are eight weeks out from the wedding. Definitely crunch time. Lots to do.

Chris and I were in unbelievable form on Sunday. After our morning exercises (10 mile run for him, a tough yoga class for me) and some errands, we had lunch at Cafe Laurent in Culver City (actually breakfast, as they don't serve lunch on Sundays) and proceeded to be wedding maniacs.

First stop, Men's Warehouse where Chris got sized and picked tuxes for his groomsmen. I mentioned that Chris' suits are usually too big and our salesman assured us it would fit him perfectly. Chris thinks he pulled the measuring tape too tight but we'll see when the tux comes in. Wedding party tuxes? Check!

We had a couple of hours to kill before a cake tasting appointment and decided to stop by the Fox Hills mall to look at wedding bands. Contrary to my instincts, we ended up spending an hour at a jewelry kiosk inside the mall. The woman was using the hard sell but we found nice, stylish, simple rings at a decent price. Wedding rings? Double check!

Last but not least, cake tasting. Five flavors, two people = 2 1/2 cupcakes each. We couldn't pick one so we picked three. Black forest, white cake with fruit, red velvet...everyone will be happy.

I've been modeling my wedding band to everyone I see. I really like it.

Eight weeks. Still need photographer, transportation, a rehearsal dinner location, presents for wedding party, undergarments, shoes, invitations, etc.

Wedding burnout

A little more than two months from the wedding and I am tired of it. It's all I spend my free time doing. Frankly, there are a lot of other things I'd rather be doing.

But it's crunch time and I need to get moving. Still need a cake, a photographer, invitations (they're being designed), playlists for when the band's not playing at the reception. Also need wedding rings, vows, pre-marital counseling, etc.

The music aspect of the reception has me plowing through old and new stuff. I want dance music and I like hip-hop but the lyrics just won't cut it at a wedding. I've never really thought about how inappropriate most rap songs are. They're either cursing or abusing women or cursing. Same goes for my favorite Mexican rock-rap act, Molotov. Lyrics about having sex with people's sisters or admiring women's breasts are too tacky for a family event. My in-laws are not Latino and I certainly don't want to feed into some vulgar stereotype. I can hear it now, "What does 'chi-chi' mean?"

Screwed

A woman has been hired full-time to our team. This is her first job out of college. She got the best shift available.

My request to switch out of my Tuesday-Saturday shift was denied. I am bitter. I know where I stand with my boss now so my only course of action is to begin sending out resumes again.

I feel much like my sister who had seniority at her job as a high school counselor and was demoted to the classroom in favor of worse paid, less experienced counselors. Hard work is not rewarded in our professions, it seems.

July 6th, 2010

My Fourth of July weekend is finally coming to an end. Since I work Tues-Sat, my three day weekend doesn't start until Sunday and I have Tuesday off. It really feels like forever even though I worked Saturday and had to deal with work stuff Saturday night too.

Great weekend. It's the first 4th in a long time that I wasn't running around fighting traffic down at the beach. I'm usually in Manhattan Beach or Venice where an acquaintance of mine is part of a block party every year. No one told me about the party this year so I accepted an invite to a friend's pool party within walking distance of my house. That was the right plan. Chris and I walked over, ate lots of food, took tequila shots, watched the neighborhood light up, ate more food and walked home at maybe 10pm? The idea was to get to sleep at a decent hour but my neighbors' fireworks kept that from happening. I thought about calling to police to get them to stop. Yes, I was willing to be a party pooper because honestly, I don't think people should be setting fireworks off all night long. A couple hours, sure, but all night? No.

We slept in Monday and went over to Chris' mom's house so he could help her with some things. She keeps asking about the wedding and I don't have much to tell her about it. We're not registered yet, we haven't sent out invites, etc. She's from the South too, so my lack of tradition has got to frustrate her to some degree.

We had lunch with Chris' roommate at Don Antonio's on the Westside and then went to the mall to pick up a present for Chris' dad before hitting the 4:20 show of "Get Him to the Greek." Oh my god. The mall was swarmed! Not a parking space in sight. We aborted mission, ended up at the Westside Pavillion to regroup, and decided to park at the park in Rancho Park and walk over to Century City to see the movie. It was either that or get super frustrated trying to find parking at the mall. It was a nice day. The walk was nice.

"Get Him to the Greek" was fun. My expectations weren't that high, which helped, but it was funny and edgier than I expected. My only complaint is Jonah Hill as a leading man. He's too fat to be a leading man. Fat guys can be funny or character actors but they are not good straight men. I just didn't buy that he was married to a cute, hard-working med student. There's a threesome scene and the last thing I wasn't to see was him making out. Ewwww.

Our evening ended with a couple of episodes of "Deadwood." Perfect.

Today I slept in and took a long bike ride on the South Bay bike path. Watched Uruguay lose to Holland in the World Cup semifinals, went to the Manhattan Beach farmers market with my sister and brother-in-law, stopped at Trader Joe's and then holed up at home. Watched "The Reader" today. It was okay. Kate Winslet was solid as usual and of course she wins an Oscar in a role where she's naked a lot. Halle Berry was naked in "Monster's Ball." It helps.

Emmy nominations come out Thursday morning which means I'm at the office by 5:15am. The good thing is that unlike with my last job where I was on my own, lots of people work at that horrid hour at The Hollywood Reporter.

Two people on my team gave notice last week. They're scrambling to hire one of our temps full-time now. I told my boss that the new hire should get my Tues-Sat schedule since I have seniority and should get the Mon-Fri shift. He didn't sound convinced. If he doesn't go for it, I'd better brush off the 'ol resume and get to it.

From zen to bullets

Monday is my Sunday and I usually spend the day holed up on my home. I hit a yoga class in Westwood in the morning and then drive home to Wilmington for the remainder of the day. Laundry, bills, and maybe a car washing follow.

In rare instances I make plans on Monday with require me to stay in L.A. Such was the case yesterday. I did my typical yoga thing, showered and waited to hear from my cousin Adrian, who I was meeting for drinks sometime during the day. I killed time looking online for hotels for our wedding guests. Found some really nice places (B&Bs in Los Felix, Silverlake, Rancho Park) but not big enough to accommodate all of our people.

Adrian calls and says he forgot he was doing his brother a favor and entertaining friends of his from Munich. They were going to go to the shooting range. I've never been to one so I agreed to try it.

The Los Angeles Gun Club is off Alameda in the industrial part of downtown L.A. It's a simple operation with attendants signing people in and renting them equipment. I don't know one gun from the next but our German friend wanted to fire one of the biggest guns they had -- a 50mm Magnum revolver with a super long barrel. I'm not sure what the others were (a baretta?). We donned our safety goggles and headphones and headed in.

The first thing that struck me was the noise. Guns are loud. I ended up buying earplugs to give my ears a little more protection. Then there's the smell of guns and the residue that ends up on your hands and arms.

The other people at the range were young and mostly in groups. The guys next to us had something that the Terminator might use. I thought, "This is perfect training ground for gangbangers."

I had never shot a firearm and I was pretty bad at it. The guns were heavy and I kept anticipating the kickback. Believe it or not, I did my best shooting with that humongous Magnum. It was the last gun we shot and it's so heavy, it doesn't kick back as hard as the other ones.

Our German friends were having a blast. Stefan took pictures of his wife loading the gun, holding the gun; snapshots of our targets before and after; us posing with our shot-up targets. Germans aren't allowed to own firearms so this was a treat. "Better than Disneyland," we said. Stefan even bought a t-shirt!

It was fun but tiring. I didn't want to shot after my first round. My arm/hand strength is so weak that I couldn't even pull back the slide on the Baretta to ready it for firing.

The movies really do glamorize guns. They make it look so easy to point and shoot and actually hit your target. I was scared around the guns, to tell the truth. They are dangerous. One false move and that's it.

I don't think it was an "only in L.A." day to go from yoga to the pistol range but the two activities are definitely in different worlds. The uniting factor is exhaling. In yoga, you exhale when exerting yourself. At the range, you exhale to steady your trigger pull.

moving along

Things are moving along on the 'ol wedding. Chris and I went to a tasting yesterday for catering. Reasonably priced, nice vendor. We're going to see another one and then decide.

My wedding dress came in the mail Friday and it's perfect. No alterations necessary. Thank you Nordstrom.com!

First thing's first though. My sister turns 40 on Thursday and we're having a birthday dinner Friday night with her friends and the family. We can only remember her ever having one party before. And once again, the price is right -- $20 a head, including wine! And if you pay in cash, they don't charge you tax. What a deal!

Work is okay. I was scolded in an email Saturday morning about something I put on our homepage. I think my boss thinks he's going to be fired so he's on us about every little thing. I'm not worried though. It'll pass. There are only 10 million other things to do and worry about. This one will pass.

I'm going to write a condolence card tonight for one of my co-workers, Carlos. He was one of the building's maintenance men. Super friendly, always in good spirits, even with my grouchy officemates. He was in his early sixties and died very suddenly. He is missed.

Frustration

Am I turning into Bridezilla? What is wrong with me? Any change to my plans and I feel like crying.

I was supposed to drive down to Newport today to try on a potential wedding dress. I called to double-check that it was still in stock and it is not. That threw me for a loop; made me grouch.

My whole day was planned around the trip. I even skipped yoga this morning to get my oil changed for the ride. Instead of showering so I was clean to try on the gown I could have instead kept my grubby clothes on and worked out.

A friend had suggested another boutique in South Pasadena to check out wedding dresses and since Newport was out, I figured I could do that. Then I called the store. They are closed Mondays. That seems to be common with these shops. There's a bridal resale boutique near my work but it's closed on Mondays too. Grrrrr.

crazy talk

I thought about being a vegetarian for a minute this evening. I love meat and believe in protein but after reading a Los Angeles magazine article about raw diets, the idea crossed my mind.

Specifically, I'd leave my beloved pork, beef and chicken behind to lose weight. The article I read referred to a friend of the author's who had lost 10 pounds and gained a beautiful "glow" in less than a month by going raw. Raw diets are extreme but maybe losing the meat that sticks to your ribs isn't a bad idea.


I'm ten pounds heavier than I was two years ago and am not happy about it. I know, friends and family say I look fine but I don't FEEL fine. My roll disgusts me. Seeing myself in dressing room mirrors disgusts me. I am filling in my clothes to the max and can't even fit into some of the items that I really like. I'm not ready to get rid of the size 4 things yet but if I continue down this road it's gonna happen, whether I like it or not.


Exercise alone isn't cutting it so I have to practice what I preach and have to watch what I eat. If you are what you eat then today I am a homemade smoothie/rice/salmon/veggies/tortilla with cheese/bean and beef burrito. More fruits and veggies, fewer carbs. But why do carbs taste so good?


Work is topsy turvy. Our longtime, fabulous TV reporter/editor is jumping ship to work for the competition. Something tells me lots of money and flexibility were involved in the offer. It's been slow news-wise which makes the days go by slower.


I'm going to commit to a wedding venue tomorrow. A couple of weeks ago I did a Google search for "budget weddings Los Angeles" and up came the Culver Events Center. Chris and I saw it independently and have agreed that it fits our criteria for budget, space, and convenience. It's not the fanciest place, nor is it the most beautiful, but we're going to make it our own for one special day.


9:56pm update

I just showed my mom pictures of our wedding venue and she was underwhelmed. "That doesn't look big enough for 150 people." "What happens if it rains?" "If the tables aren't all together, won't the guests feel bad?"


You know who feels bad now? Me. My mother has no confidence in our decision nor in the event staff's capabilities. I trust that the event center will get it right. If I had another $10,000, we could have it somewhere nicer with more space. That is not the reality and I hate feeling bad about that.


One of our thoughts to save money and still have a classy affair was to spend big bucks on a nice ceremony and then just have hors d'ourvres and cocktails afterwards. Tonight my mom said, "If you did that, wouldn't your guests be hungry?"


I feel like I need to put a disclaimer on the wedding invite: this is not a fancy wedding. You will not be served steak. If you're traveling to Los Angeles, know that spectacular scenery is not part of the wedding package. Be prepared to park in a regular 'ol neighborhood. Don't have high expectations.


Bummer.

L.A. Marathon

Observations on the Sunday, March 21, 2010 L.A. Marathon.

The so-called "Stadium to the Sea" marathon was a good idea. Nice neighborhoods, cool scenery, civic cooperation from West Hollywood, Beverly Hills and Santa Monica.

What wasn't so cool was the organization. There were only a few roads open into Dodger Stadium to drop off runners and there was no traffic control to be seen anywhere.

Chris and I left Baldwin Hills at 6am to be at Dodger Stadium by 6:30am. On any other Sunday this would have been a breeze but once we hit the 110 n. we were in horrible gridlock. Nothing was moving. It was so bad that runners were getting out of cars and buses and walking along the freeway to get to the stadium in time for the start of the race.

Turns out that all of the cars, buses and shuttles had to merge onto one street to get to the stadium. There was no opening of other lanes to ease congestion nor were there alternatives to the Stadium Way exit -- it was either the 110 or south through the 5.

Once the runners trudged into the stadium they discovered that organizers had not set up enough bathrooms for the crowd. The lines for the port o potties were enormous so runners ended up pissing and shitting in the hills and bushes surrounding the stadium.

Runners need to empty their stomachs and bladders before races but it seems Frank McCourt and his marathon organization didn't get that memo. They could have opened up the stadium to runners -- it has plenty of bathrooms -- but that did not happen.

It was an entirely different scene across town in Santa Monica. I parked my car as close as I could to the finish line without having to feed a meter or pay for a parking lot (12 & Santa Monica) and rode my bike around the rest of the morning. I saw families camping out at the finish line; restaurants prepping for the onslaught; regular exercisers out for runs or rides; and people in generally great moods.

Unlike the mess at Dodger Stadium, Santa Monica was civilized and prepared. The eastbound side of San Vicente was closed for the race but the westbound lanes were wide open to traffic. It was awesome -- you could ride alongside the route with very few cars to worry about. I think residents either hunkered down or left for the day because there really weren't that many vehicles.

I met my family/Chris cheering section at 14th and San Vicente. It was super mellow. There were some residents out but mostly there was a lot of space.

The first wheelchair racers came in no time, followed by the elite women runners and the elite men. More runners started coming through and we saw Chris after a while. His bright orange shirt, floppy hair and facial hair made him easy to spot. He gave his cheering section a wave and continued on -- only two miles to go!

I followed him via bicycle for the rest of the race. He was beat and hurting but crossed the finish line in three hours and eight minutes. That is fast. He was the 208th person across. Awesome!

It was a little hectic catching up with him after the finish but since he was in front of the masses, we were able to reunite without much hassle. Runners and fans were directed down to the pier. To get back to our car in downtown Santa Monica we had to hit the boardwalk, climb up to Ocean and cross the street south of the Pier. That part was a little tricky but my planning had worked and the walk to the car wasn't too long for the fatigued Chris.

Santa Monica was turning into a parking lot by this time, so much so that the guy trying to take our parking spot didn't even get mad 'cause he had to wait for me to re-attach my bike rack and secure the bike for the ride home.

Dodger Stadium was a mess but the truth is, the marathon is a great event that brings people together and generates good vibes. Strangers congratulate strangers for finishing the race. People cheer on people they know only by the names on their bibs. My future husband finishes with an amazing time, in good health, and with lots of love and support from friends, co-workers and family who came out to cheer him on.

There's a Heaven and There's a Star for You

I scoffed at all those folks wailing about Michael Jackson's death, crying over a man they never knew who they claimed changed their lives.

But now I have an inkling of their loss.

I am mourning and am moved by the death of Mark Linkous, the man behind Sparklehorse. I wasn't the band's No. 1 fan or anything but I admire his music and its beauty. I'm having a Sparklehorse music marathon in honor of him right now.

He killed himself Saturday with a rifle shot to the chest. AP reported that after receiving a text message, he left a friend's house with his rifle and pulled the trigger in a nearby alley. So sad.

Linkous had a history of depression. He famously overdosed on Valium and antidepressants while touring with Radiohead in 1996. He was unconscious for 14 hours and had a heart attack when paramedics revived him. His legs were pinned underneath him while he was out and he never regained full used of them again.

The song "Hey, Joe" played not too long ago and it was the first time I'd heard/understood the line "There's a heaven and there's a star for you." His family quoted that when announcing his death.

I last saw Linkous and Sparklehorse perform at the Henry Fonda Theater in 2007. He wore braces on his legs and had difficulty walking but it was magic hearing his music live. The show didn't last too long, his legs made that impossible, but I am so happy I got to support the man at least once.

I swear, I'm tearing up listening to the "It's a Wonderful Life" album. He must have felt that at some point but depression got the best of him.

RIP, you talented, tortured man.

Feb. Poptimist

The Feb. issue of the little magazine that could, Poptimist, is out: http://issuu.com/poptimist/docs/february

Our three issues have been solid (with only one major typo that I didn't catch in Dec.) and I hope we can keep it going.

Bargain hunting for wedding dress

I am determined to find a wedding dress for $200. I can go up to $500 but don't really want to. The prices for these dresses are ridiculous. I honestly can't justify shelling out $1000 for one day. I'd rather spend the money on a tropical honeymoon.

I've been scouring craigslist, resale dress websites, and bridal sites. No luck.

Making the search even more difficult is the fact that I don't want to wear a strapless gown. That leaves me with straps or short sleeves and what appears to be the gamut of "old lady" dresses. I had no idea that this would be an issue. I don't want to wear strapless because I'd end up adjusting it all the time. Have you ever seen a woman in a strapless top or dress who doesn't adjust it?

Most gowns are too fluffy or too adorned or show too much clevage or are just too much.

Oy!

Engaged Daily -- Jan. 3, 2009

Happy New Year!

Thanks to my loyal readers for the well-wishes. Very kind.

We made it through the holidays, telling everyone the news and fielding generally positive reactions.

At Chris' aunt's house on New Year's Eve, there was supposed to be a champagne toast to us but her fire twirling daughter and the Rose Parade floats parked a block away took precedence. We left the gathering without the toast but with the promise of an uncle playing the bagpipes at the ceremony and a cousin tossing fire and/or singing (she's a trained opera singer too).

My mother rolled her eyes when I told her that we wanted Chris' cousin to twirl fire. It's perfectly fine entertainment but I guess it's not in her book of wedding wishes. "Mother," I said impatiently, "It's MY wedding." That is the first, and definitely not the last time those words will be coming out of my mouth. Call me selfish but no one is going to bully me into or out of our ideas. I want everyone to have a good time, and fire-twirling is a good time!

We rang in the New Year at my friend Peter's house. I think I inappropriately announced the news to some people. "Hey, Happy New Year. I'm engaged." Not exactly smooth. And I got the feeling not everyone needed to hear the news. Lesson learned. Oh, and a friend put a picture of Chris and I up on her Facebook page with the caption "engaged" and now I'm getting well wishes from Facebook friends. That is not how I want people to learn the news so I've untagged the picture.

Today I found out that one of my favorite spots in town, the Baldwin Hills Scenic Overlook, is available for events. The view up there is spectacular and Chris and I wandered up to it and explored it before it was ever open. It is a State park, so there are rules, rules and more rules. I've sent an email to the designated person to inquire about open dates in August, September and October. Hopefully one Saturday will be available.

One of Chris' neighbors also gave me the lowdown of having an event at the community room at the Village Green, where they live. He and his wife were married there four years ago and it sounded like a hoot. They're creative, Burning Man types so they decked out the space in a Moroccan theme. I'm not that talented in that area but I bet we could think of something cool for decorations. The Village Green probably costs a lot less than other spaces. It is Chris' task to find out.